Cosmic Cow Pie: Connecting the Dots


Information Overload!

Information overload!

Some days the cosmic cow pie of life just gets overwhelming with "things to do." Connecting the dots just don'tFlying cows get done as fast as they should.

Reading e-mail is no longer fun... or is it just me?  The most irritating part of reading the e-mail are the "forwards" from some people who are still living in last century communication spheres!  How many times have I gotten the same forward? delete, delete, delete, delete.

Having received so many warnings on things that can harm me I am now prepared..... we all should have major behavior modification with all the information we have received from our e-mail inbox! 

A big thank you to my facebook friend 500 "TEA" (fun story) for sending me a compressive summary of all the things I should know now! Thanks "Tea" this ones for you!   I asked her who penned this work of art and she had no clue.. so credit is going to some unknown e-mail author!  I know, I know.. copyright violations.. but this is so great I hope you will look the other way and laugh for a few minutes!   Here goes.....from the unkown e-mail author!

As we progress into the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year.

I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

  • I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.                                                                
  • I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.                                                              
  • I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it last washed.                                                                                                                                                                                                        
  • I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
  • Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
  • I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
  • I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
  • ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
  • I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 7,258th time.
  • I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
  • I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
  • I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
  • I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
  • THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
  • BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
  • I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
  • I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
  • I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
  • AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
  • I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
  • I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
  • I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.
  • And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
  • I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.
  • THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
  • AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
  • I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supporting South American dictators.
  • I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

Thanks again to "Tea bird" in NYC a fun cyber friend who sent me this e-mail today and made me laugh! This is post number 198 so working on 2 more.. be assured that 199 and 200 on 8-22-10 are going to be "news you can use.' 

Carra Signature Large


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Cosmic Cow Pie

Carra Riley

Comment balloon 33 commentsCarra Riley & Declan Kenyon • August 16 2010 07:21PM


Carra - I do know what you mean about email, as I expect more folks do. It really can be overwhelming and managing it is a challenge.

I laughed out loud at this - saw this or soemthing similar quite come time ago. While it if humourous it is not far off base.


Posted by Jeff Dowler, CRS, The Southern California Relocation Dude (eXp Realty of California, Inc.) about 10 years ago

Jeff ~  Too funny I had not seen it... and rolled on the floor as I had seen every single one of the e-mails it made fun of! 

Posted by Carra Riley & Declan Kenyon, Helping people Transition at all ages! (Brokers Guild Cherry Creek Ltd) about 10 years ago

Carra, good one! LOL! I don't think there is anything left that doesn't cause some kind of problem for us all. What it there left to enjoy when all the innocence is gone? LOL

Posted by Janice Ankrett, Staging Professional (Janice Ankrett Home Staging) about 10 years ago

Carra:  Very funny -- pretty sure I have received every single one of these, some more than once, but never in such a compilation!  Happy Day!

Posted by Tish Lloyd, Broker - Wilmington NC and Surrounding Beaches (BlueCoast Realty Corporation) about 10 years ago

Carra, Love it.  Haven't actually gotten all these! 

Need to go throw down some spare change at the mall, back later .... :)


Posted by Liz and Bill Spear, RE/MAX Elite Warren County OH (Cincinnati/Dayton) (RE/MAX Elite 513.520.5305 about 10 years ago

Oh Carra, funny, funny!  I have seen this, or at least most of it.  My thoughts are this:  if I were that afraid of everything, I may as well jump in front of a bus.

Posted by Jean Hanley, Specializing in Folks Who Want To Buy/Sell Homes (Coldwell Banker Kivett Teeters) about 10 years ago

Howdy and evening to you Carra

I sure did get a mighty fine hoot out of that there e-mail. Had not ever seen this one before, thank you kindly for taking the time to share it.

Have a good one
Dale in New Hampshire

Posted by Dale Baker, New Hampshire Relocation Real Estate Information (Baker Energy Audits and Commercial Properties Inspections) about 10 years ago

I know the feeling.  There is one antidote to all this, if people would take the time to go there before forwarding this crap - Snopes!

Posted by Jane Peters, Los Angeles real estate concierge services (Home Jane Realty) about 10 years ago

Oh my, what a hoot and great laugh for the day.  Some of those I hadn't even heard of.  Now more "stuff" to worry about!

Sue of Robin and Sue

Posted by Robin Dampier REALTOR®, Hendersonville & Western NC Real Estate Source (Coldwell Banker King) about 10 years ago

Jane,, one of my personal favorite sites.  However, Liz does not allow me to send the links to people to let them know the cow pies they're spreading :)

Posted by Liz and Bill Spear, RE/MAX Elite Warren County OH (Cincinnati/Dayton) (RE/MAX Elite 513.520.5305 about 10 years ago

carra, i so needed this chuckle tonight...hate all those forwarded email i've seen a thousand times & yes they forgot they sent them to me 2 months ago...i like the hotel room phobias!!

Posted by Ginny Gorman, Homes for Sale in Southern RI and beyond (RI Real Estate Services ~ 401-529-7849~ RI Waterfront Real Estate) about 10 years ago

Carra- you are singing my tune.  I used to love email but now most of my friends who communicate with me do so via FB or texting and the occasional phone call.  I just went through my email a few weeks ago "unsubscribing" to a lot of email that I no longer need.  And, I am  getting a little lot tired of the chain emails telling me I'm their friend and here's a prayer for me but I'd better pass it on if I want to have something good happen to me.  And I agree with the others, please people check some of these things out on 

BTW- your list had me chuckling!

Posted by Kathy Streib, Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224 (Room Service Home Staging) about 10 years ago

I was having one of those days today. I just wanted to run away from it all. I need a break.

Posted by Robert L. Brown, Grand Rapids Real Estate Bellabay Realty, West Mic ( about 10 years ago

I'm a rule breaker...  Thank god, or I wouldn't be ableto do anything.

Posted by Lane Bailey, Realtor & Car Guy (Century 21 Results Realty) about 10 years ago

Carra ~ I have only had 4 of those things happen to me thank goodness.

Posted by Dawn A Fabiszak, The Dawn of a New Real Estate Experience! (Private Label Realty ( Denver metro area, Colorado) about 10 years ago

That was just what I needed to wrap up a Monday!  Thanks for the laughs!

Posted by Emmary Simpson, Serving Las Cruces, NM (Las Cruces Homes and Land) about 10 years ago

That's why the Internet is so great. You don't have to go outside and actually meet people, touch them, listen to them, speak with them......................LOL

Posted by Jim Frimmer, Realtor & CDPE, Mission Valley specialist (HomeSmart Realty West) about 10 years ago

I giggled and laughed and even repeated a few of these after I read it. lol.  :)

Posted by Chris Alston, Silicon Valley, California (Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Silicon Valley, California)) about 10 years ago

I am happy this post made your day.. your comments and my friend Tea made my day..

Thanks for sharing on Monday!  Janice, Tish, Liz & Bill, Jean, Dale, Jane, Robin & Sue, Ginny, Kathy, Robert, Lane, Dawn, Emmary, Jim and Chris!

Posted by Carra Riley & Declan Kenyon, Helping people Transition at all ages! (Brokers Guild Cherry Creek Ltd) about 10 years ago

Carra, now I have fears that I didn't have 5 minutes ago, especially as I don't like spiders and snakes. Now I must forward this to 25 friends in the next 3 seconds so that I too can get $25,000 from Steve Jobs, because he is definitely not going to let Bill Gates out gift him.

Posted by Ed Silva, Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally (RE/MAX Professionals, CT 203-206-0754 ) about 10 years ago

I almost forgot, does picking up a lost golf ball have the same significance as finding a coin, and does that coin have to be face up or face down?

Posted by Ed Silva, Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally (RE/MAX Professionals, CT 203-206-0754 ) about 10 years ago

Ed ~  Thanks for keeping this party going.. on the golf balls.. just watch our for bears in the woods! 

Posted by Carra Riley & Declan Kenyon, Helping people Transition at all ages! (Brokers Guild Cherry Creek Ltd) about 10 years ago


Thank you and your new Facebook friend. That was funny.



Posted by Brian Madigan, LL.B., Broker (RE/MAX West Realty Inc., Brokerage (Toronto)) about 10 years ago

Carra, would you believe that I did receive this email as a forward 3 times.  But, it is hilarious each time you read it, can never be boring

Posted by Rebecca Gaujot, Realtor®, Lewisburg WV, the go to agent for all real estate (Vision Quest Realty) about 10 years ago

Okay, sadly I have received all of those emails!! This is hilarious, good job no one has figured out the dangers of Blogging! And hey, if you get that one, do not forward it to me.  Thanks for sharing the laughs.

Posted by Lesley Wagstaff, For Real Estate and Mortgages (Re/Max Results Realty in Vancouver, BC) about 10 years ago

OMG - I am in tears reading this post!  WAY too funny!  What's sad is I WON'T get lemon in restaurants now AND a few others on your list.  Needless to say there are a few that I haven't heard yet but I will be sure to add them to my list of quirks!  HA!

Wake Forest NC House Chick

Posted by Leesa Finley, RED Properties - Raleigh NC Real Estate (RED Properties) about 10 years ago

Brian ~  My friend Tea is very special.. we met on where she was letting her voice be heard in a discussion.. thought she might be fun to hang out with and yes, she was!

Rebecca ~  That IS funny.. yesterday was the first time I had seen it.. and I was rolling! 

Lesley~  Isn't it funny how we all got those.. the lemons are the worst.. Thanks 60 minutes.. I think they had a special on that too...Good idea for original post would might be the blogging idea.. will send it to you to proof!

Leesa ~  Glad to be adding to your phobias!


Posted by Carra Riley & Declan Kenyon, Helping people Transition at all ages! (Brokers Guild Cherry Creek Ltd) about 10 years ago

This was a "KILLER".  Thanks for all the laughs.   And, I guess I'll have to bring my own lemon from now on.  Jeez.

Posted by Don Sabinske, Sabinske & Associates Inc. (Don Sabinske, Sabinske & Associates Inc.) about 10 years ago


You can only pick up "lost" golf balls after they stop rolling though.

Posted by Terry Chenier (Homelife Glenayre Realty) about 10 years ago

Carra now I know how Howie Mandel must feel some days!  Holy Crow!  LOL

Posted by Debbie Walsh, Hudson Valley NY Real Estate 845.283-3036 (Shahar Management) about 10 years ago

I had to stop reading because I just don't want to think about most of those things!  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.....

Posted by Stanton Homes, Design/Build Custom Home Builder in North Carolina (Stanton Homes - New Home Builder) about 10 years ago

Carra - This is too funny.  And, are definitely not the only one who doesn't find email fun any more.

Posted by Christine Donovan, Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M (Donovan Blatt Realty) about 10 years ago

I suspect too many of those are too true for too many people.

Posted by Not a real person about 10 years ago